Saturday, March 20, 2010

34 reasons why Key West is going to the dogs

Here's why.

Reasons to be miserable:

1. It's been so cold in Key West this winter - will it ever warm up?

2. The vagrants are taking over all (both) the beaches.

3. The cruise ships are taking over.

4. The iguanas are taking over.

5. Everyone is corrupt.

6. There's more trolley tours than cars.

7. The coral has died.

8. The fish have died.

9. Cycles and scooters are out of control.

10. Cars are out of control.

11. Pedestrians are out of control.

12. There's no nudist beach.

13. There might be a nudist beach.

14. There are too many tourists that don't know what they are taking about. (me??)

15. New Key West isn't anywhere near as good as Old Key West

16. After a few years of being gentle, this year's hurricane season will be vicious.

17. It's just all too commercial.

18. There are too many condos.

19. The condo building has gone to the wall because of the recession leaving ugly holes and ugly half-finished (if you are lucky) developments all over town.

20. Old town's too crowded and so there's too many people, too much noise, litter, gum, lowlife.

21. Fewer and fewer people visit fantasy fest, and those that do are just here to shake their sexual organs around and vomit in the street.

22. Key West drinks are, on average, getting weaker by the year.

23. The 'gay scene' is boring. And the drag queens are getting uglier by the year.

24. There's only 1 Starbucks in Key West.

25. There's too many chickens, and to few cats and dogs in this town.

26. Key West menus never change.

27. No one important (=celebrity) has moved to Key West since Hemingway. No one interesting comes to Key West anymore. Just drunken tourists looking to get drunk.

28. Duval Street is an over-commercialized, boring, good for nothing, 'abusive t-shirt' ridden strip.

29. Key West 'International' airport has a silly name and it still sucks.

30. It's too hot in summer.

31. Everything from beer lobster is overpriced in Key West.

32. The mosquitoes are getting worse not better. As are the mojitos.

33. The beer's too warm and the wine's too cold.

34. There's nothing genuine about Key West anymore; it's all too fake for the tourist buck.


Some of the above is true. Most are just moans. But it doesn't really matter.

Warts and all, Key West works. It could do with some changes. But I love it.

Despite it's flaws. It's cool. And it's still far, far better than most places.

I live in Chiswick, London (UK) and today it was raining, an depressing overcast misty rain, ALL day!!!

So I'd rather be in Key West. Yes, for the weather, but also for hundreds of other reasons too...